Girl dancing in the trees, Emotional Care Blogs

Road To Bliss

Sometimes, when I get really happy, I begin crying because I never thought I could feel this way again.

This is not a common occurrence; I have experienced it about 3 times in the past couple of months. I am always alone, either listening to music or on a run— it is moments where I am most present. There are no thoughts of the past or future running through my mind, only a feeling of pure joy that brings me to tears. It is always very brief, only for a minute or so, but in those moments I feel a depth of unconditional love for life. With my ongoing journey to mindfulness, these moments remind me of why living presently is worth the endless effort.

I find staying mindful incredibly challenging. I have a great amount of trouble calming my mind. Sometimes I feel as if I only understand myself when I am active and in constant motion. If I am not physically doing something, my mind is racing between ideas of what I could be doing, and what I seemingly should be doing. I have a difficult time tuning into my senses because I am constantly distracted by the thoughts in my head; but in those moments where my mind is still, I feel more alive than ever.

When I am in this state of bliss, a hug-like feeling overwhelms the inside of my body. It is like someone is squeezing me in the best way possible, and I cannot help but smile and feel as if my heart is pouring out love. Before the accident, I experienced this a good bit more, but I would still refrain from calling it common. I did not understand that those moments only happen when I am being mindful. I realize now that bliss cannot be experienced when I am focusing on the past or the future because those are not reality, only this moment right now is life.

Since beginning this journey, I have learned things about myself I did not recognize before. I have become aware of the degree at which I look to the future. I find my mind wandering during conversations and planning my next activity in the middle of my current one. I notice the pace I read tends to be so fast at times I am not fully enjoying the book. Even when I am aware of being mindful, I find it sometimes only lasts for a minute or so before my brain starts conjuring up a million thoughts again, even when it is in the middle of something I enjoy.

The common theme I have recognized is this almost inability to fully enjoy and appreciate the activities I love. I get incredibly anxious over the concept of time, as if I need to rush because there will never be enough. The conversations I find myself in and out of are ones I truly want to be a part of; my mind wanders during activities I want to last forever. I sometimes have trouble not being fully present when receiving a hug, yet I love hugs!

This journey is not a breeze, but having this realization is allowing me to change. Since becoming aware and practicing mindfulness, I have seen positive changes in myself. I use my breath as an anchor when I get too wound up in my thoughts. I recognize now that this honestly might be the most important thing I ever do for myself. I am not expecting to reach a state of eternal bliss, but having a taste of it has me willing to work the rest of my life to get there.






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Comments

Kaylie Schmidt

Sending a huge hug to you as a read this! Slowing down is something I struggle with.. Instead of going through the motions I try to make myself start over from the point I realized I lost my connection to something and focus only on that, whether it be a conversation or reading something with the intent to enjoy it or during my yoga/Pilates practices! Write down the moments that make you feel that hug from within, save them up and revisit them later :) xo-Amb

Kaylie Schmidt

Love you Amber!!!! I love your input:) I always take it to heart!!

Kaylie Schmidt

I am always uplifted by your beautiful spirt.

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